The Stag Do
by Massani
Summary: "Of course." Sirius clapped his hands once and grinned. "Right then. First order of business: bachelor's party."


**Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition  
** **Position:** Beater 2 for Holyhead Harpies **  
** **Prompts:  
** Canon Box - James Potter  
1\. (quote) 'Let's face it; this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing.'  
10\. (quote) 'They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.'  
12\. (song) 'Toxic' by Britney Spears  
 **Word Count:** 2,865

 **Thanks to Chloe and Lizzie for beta'ing!**

* * *

"Sirius, I'm getting married!"

"What?" Sirius leapt up from his chair. His face was a mix of shock and horror. "No, James, no." He walked around the room, shaking his head in disbelief. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"What? I thought you'd be happy for me."

"Happy?" Sirius' voice had jumped an octave. "Why would I be happy for you?"

"Because I'm pledging to spend my life with the woman I love?"

Sirius waved the notion away with a flick of his wrist. "Well, yes, obviously, congratulations and all but seriously? What about our plans?"

"We don't have any plans!"

"Exactly! I was relying on you for my plans. Now what am I going to do?"

James grinned. "I haven't the foggiest, Padfoot."

"Oh no!" Sirius backed away, shaking his head and pointing his finger at James. "Don't call me that. You lost the right to call me that the second you signed yourself away to . . . _that._ "

"That?"

"Marriage." Sirius gagged as he said the word.

"Sirius…"

"Can't you just . . . live together and not be married? Anything but marriage."

"What's your problem with marriage?"

"It ruins everything. Friendships, relationships. Everything."

"It's not going to ruin anything. Lily and I are a match made in heaven. You know that. What's to say our marriage will change anything?"

"Because you're eighteen!" Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Plus I know they say that marriages are made in heaven, but so is thunder and lightning! Who's to say that your marriage won't turn into some storm that destroys everything?"

"Stop it, Sirius. I love her, and this is happening." James heard a harshness in his own voice. "I'm getting married, I'm going to love her and care for her until my dying breath! Is that clear?"

Sirius stared at James, wide-eyed and frozen.

"Well?" James tried to make his voice calmer.

"You could have just said that at the start," Sirius muttered before grinning sheepishly at James.

James rolled his eyes, but he allowed himself to grin. "Are you going to be okay?"

Sirius let out a long, dramatic sigh. "Eventually."

"Good." James took a step forward and put his hands on Sirius's shoulders. "There's something else you I wanted to do as well."

"Are you going to kiss me? I have some ground rules."

"Shut up." James laughed and let Sirius go. "Sirius."

"James."

"I want you to be my best man."

"Wouldn't Remus—"

"Nope."

"But Pete—"

"No, Sirius. I'm asking you."

Sirius paused and looked pensive for a moment before he smiled up at James with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Okay. I'd love to."

"Really?" James said. He was astonished at the sincerity in Sirius' voice. "You will?"

"Of course." Sirius clapped his hands once and grinned. "Right then. First order of business: bachelor's party."

James laughed. "What's your plan?"

"Well, for your bachelor's—no, wait, your 'stag do!'" Sirius looked disappointed he hadn't spotted the pun earlier. "We're going to The Mermaid."

"The mermaid?"

"You know, The Mermaid's Tail, the one by The Beehive."

"Oh, that Mermaid! I'll talk to Lily about choosing a date, and—"

"We're going in twenty minutes."

"What?"

Sirius slapped James on the back and put his coat on. "I'll go get Moony and Wormtail and we'll meet you there. We'll be outside at nine. Don't be late."

"I don't think that's how it's supposed to—"

Sirius vanished from the room with a loud pop, leaving James talking to thin air.

"I can't believe you're late. I've been here for an hour!" James said as the Marauders walked up the street to meet him.

"What are you on about? We're early." Sirius exclaimed. "I said meet at ten."

"You said nine!"

"Why didn't you leave?" Remus asked.

"Because this one—" James gestured angrily at Sirius, who feigned indignation "—would never let me hear the end of it."

"That's true, I suppose." Remus smiled and embraced James. "Congratulations anyway, Prongs. I wish you two the best of luck."

"Yeah, well done, James." Peter awkwardly extended his hand to pat James on the shoulder

"Thanks guys, I'm looking forward to it." James smiled.

"Right, that's enough of that. Let's get inside." Sirius made his way into The Mermaid. "We've got some drinking to do."

"When did Sirius start telling us what to do?" Remus asked as the group followed Sirius through the door.

"Yeah, that's normally James' job," Peter said.

"He's pouting because I'm signing myself off to a life without any fun apparently," James remarked

"Don't worry," Remus said. "After a few shots of firewhiskey he'll be just as supportive as the rest of us."

"Either that, or he'll be passed out in the corner," said Peter, and James and Remus laughed.

"Which is just as good." James laughed

Sirius stood up and raised his glass to the rest of the table.

"I'd like to propose a toast," he said. His words were slightly slurred from the three pints he'd already had. "To Mr. James Potter!"

The rest of the group raised their glasses. "To James!"

"James." Sirius hiccuped. "James, James, Jamie James. You have been my best friend for over seven years now. You took me in when my own family wouldn't have me. I know I was a bit unsure about this whole 'marriage thing' because let's face it mate, you're a bit toxic, but you and Lily are right together, so best of luck to you both."

He fell back into his seat and sat there slightly slumped before sitting up and taking a swig of his drink.

"Toxic?" James asked. "What did you mean, I'm toxic?"

"Well, come on, mate, I love you to bits, but you can be a right knob sometimes."

"What? I'm not that bad." James looked towards Remus and Peter. "Am I?"

Remus and Peter didn't meet his gaze. Peter just squirmed and seemed to splutter whereas Remus looked as if he had something to say but thought better of it.

"Wow." James looked around the table in disbelief. "What have I ever done that's so bad?"

Peter looked up at James. "W-well, there was that time you bewitched Snivellus into going in the girls' bathroom, and then you locked the door."

"What? When did I ever do that to Snivel—" James paused, correcting himself. "Severus?"

"I think it was infifth year, just after that potions lesson where Lily and he were working together on thatwideyepotion and yours, kind of, exploded?"

* * *

 _James followed the Lily and Snape down the corridor. The acrid smell of the smoke still clung to him like an infant to its mother. He could see them giggling about the explosion. It wasn't his fault; his Potions book was smudged and the ingredients list looked like it said eight billywig stings instead of six. He was still amazed that an extra two billywig stings could cause such a reaction. He made a mental note to tell Sirius about it once he got out of the Hospital Wing._

 _Ahead of him, the pair were playfully pushing each other around the corridor. Each time Snape put his hands on her, James got more and more annoyed (although he had to admit it was funny when Evans pushed him into a classroom—Snape came out looking redder than a beetroot)._

 _James had an idea. If Snape was so embarrassed about being pushed into_ _a classroom_ _, then there were a couple of places James could shove him that would be humiliating._

 _"I'll talk to you later, Lily. I just have to go to the bathroom," Snape said. The two hugged goodbye, and Snape walked off in the direction of the bathrooms. This was perfect! James watched Lily walk away for a few seconds before following Snape. As Snape reached the bathroom, James whipped out his wand and whispered, "_ _Confundo_ _."_

 _Snape shook his head a little as the curse hit him. He looked at the door, eyes narrowed in confusion, and walked across the corridor into the girls' bathroom. As soon as the door shut, James sprinted over to it and cast the locking spell onto the door._

 _As he heard the screams from inside and saw the door frantically shaking, James congratulated himself on a job well done._

* * *

"Yeah, okay, maybe that was a little harsh," James said. "But to be fair, he and I were constantly going after each other. It's not like he didn't do stuff like that to me!"

"Still doesn't mean it's okay," Remus said.

"It doesn't make me _toxic_!"

Remus muttered something under his breath and James stared at him.

"What did you say Moony?"

"I said what about Emmeline Vance?"

"Who?" Sirius said.

"You know," said Peter. "That girl Remus liked, but then James decided he also liked her, and—"

"Oh, the one he made out with on Moony's bed?"

* * *

 _She wasn't the kind of girl that he'd usually go for, but after Moony had gone on and on about her, James gave her a second look. She was tall and slim with dark brown hair that fell in waves down her back. She was pale, probably from a lack of sun—she was a bookish sort, after all, spending most of her free time in the library rather than relaxing by the lake. Still, she was pretty, and he was interested enough to give it a try._

 _When the famous James Potter asked her out for a drink at The Three Broomsticks how could she refuse? It only took about three quarters of a butterbeer before she was completely enamored of him. What could he say? All the girls loved a bad boy. Most of them at least. So although she was a little taken aback when he asked her to join him in his dormitory, she was still rather eager to do so._

 _They had talked for a while, laughing about their lessons and complaining about the essays they had to write. After an impression that left Emmeline in stitches, James made his move. He leaned over, brushed her hair back and kissed her. They fell back onto the bed and James pulled the curtain around it. Only then did he notice the Charms book on the nightstand where his Quidditch gloves should have been, and the half-written essays with handwriting much neater than his usual scrawl._

 _When James had looked up later to see Remus looking down on one of his closest friends intertwined with the girl he, Remus, liked on his own bed, James had tried to come up with some witty remark. He had only ended up saying a few disjointed words._

* * *

"Yeah, that was a low point for me." James looked at Remus, who was staring pointedly at his beer. "I'm so sorry, Remus. I can see how, in that situation, I could be considered toxic."

"Don't worry about it. Everybody makes mistakes," Remus said. "It was over a year ago."

"Doesn't make it right though," James said. "If it helps that was a turning point for me."

"How so?" Remus looked up at James, tears in the corners of his eyes.

"I vowed that I wouldn't treat people like that anymore. I started actually working hard, I stopped hexing random people. I was Head Boy for Merlin's sake. Without that rude awakening to seeing what I really was, I probably wouldn't have ever had a chance with Lily."

"I guess if it had to happen then I'm glad it at least did that." Remus smiled and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I'm still really sorry though."

Remus nodded but looked back down at his drink.

James felt awful; it was his fault that Remus was upset. James thought back over their time as friends and smiled when he remembered something. He turned to look at Remus. "Let's face it; that's not the worst thing you've caught me doing is it?"

Remus started laughing. "That's true."

"Wait. What?" Sirius asked. "What's the worst thing you caught him doing?"

"It's nothing major," Remus said. "It's just . . . I walked in once on him and Lily."

"What!?" Sirius jumped up. "What happened? Tell me everything! Every detail!"

* * *

 _Lily walked towards him. She grabbed him by his tie and pulled him towards her saying "Baby, give me it. I need your—"_

* * *

"No! We are not telling that story!" James stood and rolled his eyes at Sirius' groans. "I don't think it's really appropriate do you?"

"Well, if we're not going to talk about your crazy sex life at your stag do, then when are we going to?" Sirius asked.

"I think you just answered your own question there, Padfoot," Remus said. The whole group started snickering.

"Okay, if we're not gonna talk about that, can I at least tell my favourite James story?" Sirius asked.

"It depends what it is," James said.

"You know which one it is," Sirius said, grinning at James.

James thought for a few seconds before realising what Sirius was talking about. "Oh no, not that one!"

"Please!"

James closed his eyes. "Fine."

"Hooray!" Sirius straightened himself up and looked around the table. "This is the story of how James got drunk on Stebbins' Moonshine and got stuck on the top of the Owlery."

* * *

 _"James! Are you okay up there?" Sirius shouted up to James._

 _James looked down. Sirius looked so tiny from the top of the tower. It didn't help that ground was spinning round and round below him. "I'm stuck!"_

 _"Why are you up there?"_

 _"There was a pretty owl up here!"_

 _"Where is it now?"_

 _"I have no idea. It flew away when I was halfway up."_

 _"Then why did you carry on?"_

 _"I'm not a quitter Sirius! You know that!"_

 _Sirius sighed and shook his head. At least, James thought he shook his head—it was hard for James to tell._

 _"Why don't you come back down?"_

 _"I can't."_

 _"Why not?"_

 _"Too high. Can't come down."_

 _"Was it not too high from the ground?"_

 _"No."_

 _"No?"_

 _"Yeah. No."_

 _"Why is it different from up there?"_

 _"It just is."_

 _Sirius was definitely sighing and shaking his head. "I need you to listen to me okay?"_

 _"Okay."_

 _"I'm going to help you down."_

 _"No. It's too high!"_

 _"From down here it will be less high though."_

 _James had to admit that Sirius was making a lot of sense. The tower wasn't as high from the ground._

 _"I'm not sure."_

 _"James, you're a Quidditch player! You love heights!"_

 _"_ _I don_ _'t have a broom, though, Sirius!"_

 _"D'you want my help or not?"_

 _"Okay."_

 _"Then do what I tell you." Sirius had his hands on his hips. "Right. I need you to walk to the edge of the tower, okay?"_

 _"Okay." James started walking. "I'm there."_

 _"That's very good James. Now I need you to—"_

 _"Is it safe to do this?"_

 _"Yes, it's fine. Now you need to—"_

 _"It doesn't seem safe."_

 _"James. It's fine. Now. You need to—"_

 _"_ _I don_ _'t think it is." James peered over the edge. "_ _I don_ _'t like it by the edge. It'_ _s dangerous._ _I feel like I'm going to slip, or—" James gasped as he lost his footing. "Ahh!"_

 _As he fell, he heard Sirius shout a spell, and then suddenly James was floating through the air. If he made it to the ground, then he'd have to ask Stebbins for some more of that stuff; it was great._

* * *

The table was in stitches. Sirius had had to stop four times while he was telling the story because he kept laughing, Remus was hunched over, and Peter's eyes were streaming.

"Shut up. I hate you all," James said good-naturedly as he got up from his seat. "I'll get the next round."

"Hold on, the bar's on a little platform. Are you sure it's not too high?" Sirius asked. This prompted another load of laughter from the group. James rolled his eyes and walked up to the bar. He ordered four pints and looked back to his friends. Sirius was slumped over and nearly catatonic, Remus was sitting relaxed in his chair—the alcohol helping his anxiety—and Peter was hunched over as usual with his eyes darting around nervously.

He loved Lily and couldn't wait for the rest of his life, but as he looked over his shoulder at his friends and thinking back over the times they'd shared, he couldn't help but feel a little sad. He meant what he had said to Sirius about them still meeting up to hang out, but he knew things were going to be different from now on, just a little.

As if sensing that James had begun to think sad thoughts, Sirius turned around and sent James a thumbs up. With a smile, James returned the gesture before picking up the tray of drinks and walking back to his friends.

"Let's talk about Sirius' most embarrassing moments," Peter said, and Remus nodded enthusiastically while Sirius slapped Peter's arm and shouted something unintelligible. James grinned. The night was just getting started.


End file.
